When you worry you’ll never smile again

After I suffered the loss of a cat which was like a baby to me, I noticed that my resting face wasn’t a resting bitch face, but that the edge of my mouth was sloping downward when I rested. And it REALLY bothered me and I did a tonne of EFT tapping on it. My mouth still does but not to that extent. I still aim to change this!

You see grief is all consuming, it dulls your senses, it makes you question things when you’re on your own in a dark room, until that gets too scary and you reach for the distractions. You feel like you’ll never smile again, and that alone makes you sad, but I think there’s a worse feeling.

That feeling when you smile for the first time again after you’ve lost someone or something you care about. And that feeling is guilt. How DARE you smile? Caught yourself laughing out loud to a book? F*ck don’t do that, you’re not meant to laugh, you’re meant to be miserable… because you’ve lost them.

But they wouldn’t want you to be sad

They wouldn’t want you to cry forever and never smile again, they loved your laugh. It’s a sign that the pain is dulling, and it has to so your smile can truly come out.

This poem came to me on this.

Smile again, the clouds are parting

That’s perfect dear, now let the love in

Allow the smile to spread on your face

And know that I am in this place

Here with you, forever more

I promise you, you can be sure

I long to see your face light up

In all it’s energetic make up

The true sparkle that I saw a while ago

Lifted my heart and made MY face glow

You deserve to smile, to feel joy again

You’re not meant to be sad, bad without end

And when you laugh do not fear for me

For I am here, and I am free

You never know, perhaps I bring

That thing to you which makes your heart sing

I won’t begrudge your exultation

You’re meant to be free, drop expectations

Love has no end and neither should joy

Laughter heals hearts of girls and boys

Release your guilt, give it to me,

I’ll bring more joy for you to see

Joy and laughter, my gift to you

Take them, hold them, see them through.

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