Why does this keep happening to me?

Do you feel like life is repeating itself?

You are rising not repeating

Before you come to Earth you’re sat down and you look at what lessons your soul needs to learn. You’re then incarnated and you start to live a life and you go down certain paths. Then you notice patterns…and it feels like you’re going round in circles but you aren’t – YOU ARE RISING. There is a spiral going up, not a circle, not stuck on a repetitive track, you are learning every time.

Here’s some examples of when I’ve experienced this.

When I first moved up to Scotland I met some spiritual people who tried to take me under their wing, but they kept saying “I don’t normally help people so I don’t know why I want to help you but I do, so I hope you realise how lucky you are” But the whole time, working with them didn’t feel right with me.

They wanted to groom me to help them, to do more, to give me more opportunities but I had to stop things. I really offended this person by saying it just didn’t feel right to me, and remember getting a angry email which was directed at the fact we overstayed our welcome when we went to their house the day before (the day I said I didn’t want to sell the crystals for her), and I knew that was that. It was the end of that relationship. I didn’t realise then it was about boundaries. I was so flattered and saw possibilities but in my soul it felt weird, wrong, I felt smaller, I was told I was to be grateful…

The lesson? I think it was to show them that they needed full control and to carry on as they were.

I then met two other people at an event. One I looked at and said “I know I need you” and the other, we talked and kept in touch and she wanted to use my marketing experience to run an event together.

Except they didn’t, they didn’t want me to actually use my experience and instead we went forward at their pace – which was slow and overworried about being told off by other Spiritual fair organisations. I let myself be bulldozed, I didn’t speak up. I thought this time I should take the opportunity and so I did.

Throughout our relationship this person also said “I don’t normally want to work with people but I want to work with and help you and I don’t know why” so always taking the position of the weaker party. How could I be my best confident self if I was always being reminded that I was to be grateful, and that there was something about me that made them feel so uncomfortable but addicted to having me work with them…

Right before the event, like the weekend before, I discovered I’d actually been about 3 months pregnant and had a miscarriage and didn’t know… I was NOT in a good place, but I kept on going, calling people to get them to the event, having them shout at me and asking how the hell we could justify the stall price…it was horrible. Every time I tried to market it, I was stopped. But almost like a broken record there was the same old message… I don’t know why it’s you, and you should be grateful I’m giving you my attention as I’m so important so bow oh small one Neen …

I thought to myself “here we go again” and it felt like history was repeating itself as we ran an event together. I remember hubby asking me why I didn’t just walk away, and I said to him


And so I did. We ran the event, it was a car crash, we divvied up the money then we parted ways. Our energies were wrong for each other, and I knew it at the time. So did other people I trusted. I should have listened and said NO.

THE NEXT LEVEL UP – Another very respected specialist wanted to help me, again “there’s something about you, I don’t know why I’m so drawn to help you but I am” – I saw this coming this time. I knew why. I’d learned enough about life and spirit and our souls to know by now.

I knew, it was a past life, a very strong one where they’d been a king and I had been the only person in the world able to heal them. In that life they wanted me, I couldn’t stay in the summer but we agreed a mutually beneficial arrangement in that life. There was an offer for one in this life, but it was conditional and I felt again, that I would be expected to compromise more of my life than I was prepared to in order to get the help and I tried, I really did, but I just couldn’t get myself to be passionate or ever finalise the products they wanted to stock. This was my soul saying – this isn’t right for you on this basis, either set the boundaries or move on. This time I communicated how I felt. I said No. That changed things for me.


Interestingly the other person I met at the event – the one I said I would need…well we kept in touch. YEARS LATER I went to her for a healing session and said to her (as clutching a book about using pendulums to clear past life energies) I said to her “I believe I am meant to learn from you”…and I did…and we’ve become good friends and have a mutually supportive great relationship. We work together exceptionally well, and she appreciates my skills and vice versa. Never a “I don’t know why” just a fair and mutual trust in the process and in the Divine.

And now, I find myself with products I’m exceptionally proud of, and I’d love someone to come to me and help me and be keen to stock them, but I am listening to the guidance from my Higher Self.

I KNOW in my soul that I will find the right people, the right outlets and it will be through me being confident. I will be grateful to those people who help me on their way, and now that I’m not in victim mode, but in leader mode, I hope I attract the people who say “I want to help you because what you do is awesome and I love it”

That IS the relationship I have with Bridget, my dear friend whom I met and said “I’ll need your help” – what I meant was “my soul sees your soul, let’s create some flipping magic together”. She is an amazing sound healer – check out her work.

The same with Patricia – the lady who wrote the Wise Womban Wisdom Journal (which I designed) and is exceptional to help you bring all the facets of you together.

Then there’s Steve, the dude who was a Rock Star in his last life but is my Guardian Angel, and now my son – I had a bit of a “Why would you help me?’ complex when he first started speaking to me and working with me, but he’s there because our souls are connected. We talk about that in the book My Rockstar Angel.

I am creating the life I want, and the lessons I learned time again, were lessons.

this sort of experience and my lessons from it is what I’ve leveraged to create my Relationships Journal – I don’t want other people to get to this point, or if they have to for growth for them to do it feeling loved and supported. Check the journal here https://backtolove.life/product/awareness-boundaries-confidence/http://journal here https://backtolove.life/product/awareness-boundaries-confidence/

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