Tag: meditation

How do I love me?

How do you love yourself? Isn’t it the age old question?

We all struggle to really love ourselves at some point in our lives.

How do I love myself? Well, that’s a hard one. Because it’s a, it’s a journey. It really is. And, by that, you have to look at all those bits that you’re too scared to look at.

And I suggest, if you’re going to do this kind of work, that you do it with a group of people, I’ve got a group of that, that we work through all of my journal exercises, one by one to, to kind of get to this. And there are some really good exercises, certainly in the unicorn journal about finding those things that make you unique, because I’ve spent years helping people find that thing that they don’t see in themselves.

And just from one conversation, I will talk to people and say, “You know what, actually, this is what you do, that’s really different. Nobody else does that. And you’ve got this than the way that you speak and this and the way that you put yourself forward.” And I’ve got a knack for bringing that out in people.

Here’s what I suggest:

And so what I would first off encourage you to do is talk to other people and ask them, and oh my god, it takes guts, it really takes guts, but you have to ask people what they think of you. And there are ways to do that. And reach out to me if you want me to take you through like an exercise on how to do that. Because it’s, it’s, it’s something that you can do really effectively. Go on Facebook, say, Okay, tell me three things that you like about me, and I’ll do the same. And I’ll give you three things back.

And then I’ve got a really good idea to do with the three things that they give you, which helps you as more of a ritualistic thing, but I don’t have time to go into the details of that today.

But in order to love you, you have to accept or less aspects of you that in every given moment, you are perfect. Right as you are right now, like me, roots need done grey hairs, jumper look like I’ve hardly slept, haven’t been able to use creams for months, because my face has been a nightmare. But you know what, in here, I actually do finally love and accept who I am for all of my foibles. And, you know, the biggest thing for me has been talking to other people about so much different stuff.

So like, I’ve been the person who are I’ll talk to strangers and feel oh my god, I’ve just told them my life story, or I’ll go on a train, and I’ll have the person tell me their life story, or I’ll overshare with a complete stranger. Or sometimes, the old me would have been like, oh, I shouldn’t have complimented that person. She wasn’t comfortable with it. I complimented somebody yesterday on their food, I was like, Oh my God, this food is beautiful. And like those just food. And they really weren’t comfortable. But to me, it was like a beautiful rainbow for the eyes. I explore more about setting boundaries, having awareness and confidence in other relationships in my ABC journal which you can get here, but we’re also about to start working through this in my supportive online group! So don’t miss it.

But it’s only by talking with other people, that you will understand that these things you think are your flaws. Every other woman usually women in the world, even guys actually not true guys feel this to every other person in the world has the same thoughts. And we’re all at a different level of our healing journey. And that’s again, why talking to other people, you will get to pull in the different levels of expertise. And if you get your tribe if you’re really good at building your tribe, and by tribe, I mean, people that you can love and trust and feel safe with and just have that safe space. Then you can explore all of those things. And the problem is if you’re one of these people like I have been in the past that doesn’t reach out.

I’ve recently been through something pretty traumatic. And actually I’ve reached out to all of my friends that I consider dear friends and I just went this is going on I’m going to need your support. And I’ve just seen for for for again, for for for Angel numbers. I’m on the right path for the confirmation from the angels that they’re with me going through this is amazing.

The answer to the question of how do you love you, you’ve got to forgive yourself. First, there’ll be things that you feel guilty for. And my friend used to say guilt is a bag of bricks, put it down. And there’s a whole exercise I’ve written in one of my journals to go through that, and how to take the guilt and the stuff that you felt bad for, and turn it into something positive, and for not hanging on to all the things that you think you’ve done wrong, or that make you any less than perfect, or whole. And social media is SHIT for giving you that pressure, being like, Oh, here’s my perfect filtered face. And this is what you meant. And this is why I don’t kind of care I come on and I get my mum was saying go to her looked mess on that video, I don’t care. Because I just need to get the message across, right?

So how you love YOU, is a very big topic, with a lot of little compartments that actually you just work on snippets at a time and over time, you will build this better respect and love for yourself.

It’s about setting good boundaries with people being able to say no

Surrounding yourself with the people who you love, and who make you feel good. And those people that support you, regardless of whether you’re up here or you’re down there. I’ve got some amazing friends that I’ve never met in person that I’ve met online that I can do this with.

And it’s about just really acknowledging and appreciating who you are right now and loving that person because she’s flippin awesome. He’s awesome.

We are all human, you never get to see the the truth of somebody, you only ever get to see the bit that they present to the world. So they might look like they’ve got their you-know-what together when actually they haven’t.

And the great thing? you have got the power to decide how you put yourself out to the world. And I think it’s important that you, you learn that you’re your harshest critic, that inner voice that you’ve got is usually a combination of parents, teachers, people who’ve pissed you off in the past or that you’ve pissed off in the past. So that inner negative voice and that mind chatter is usually somebody or something that has been critical of you in the past. Is that you? Is that your voice?

And again, the work I do with people is helping them to defrag all that and actually work out what it is. There’s their voice and getting that and grabbing it and bringing it out.

So I love the fact that you’ve asked me that question. And I hope that this goes some way towards answering that for you. And I’m gonna tag the original person in this post but just keep asking me questions, guys. I love it. I love being made to think of the answers because these are all questions that I’ve asked myself and I still have blips don’t get me wrong, I definitely still have Blips. But, you know, as the back to love goddess guide. I’m here to help you guys and girls, get back to that place where you fully love and accept who you are. Because I promise you, there are more people in the world who believe in you and see you as something amazing. And then there are people who don’t. You are loved. You are appreciated. There is somebody out there who has remembered one compliment you gave them for the rest of their flippin life. You are changing their life positively every day and yet you won’t be aware of that.

But now I’ve said that feel it in your heart because you will be able to feel it because we’re all connected to source.

Feel it and know it to be true. If you don’t then get on my live course and join my amazing group of people working through all this and more.

Lots of love

When You’re Present You See SO MUCH More

This new moon in Aries is all about STOPPING AND PLANNING. You see the thing is if you’re so busy DOing and not BEing you’ll miss things. Take yesterday as an example, I went for a walk with my little Aragorn (superstar kid not biased at all) and he wanted to change direction. As I turned around I saw an amazing fluffy white feather and picked it up, told him it was from his angel and popped it in his pocket.

It either wasn’t there before or I didn’t notice as we were walking looking at the mountain.

And that’s about how life is. You have to stop long enough to allow yourself to SEE the options available to you.

So if you’re in a job which sucks your energy, working all the hours god sends, you’re not going to see a way out or other options as you’re not leaving ANY quiet space. And that’s really all being present is about – just stopping long enough to allow your brain to catch up with everything, to allow yourself the time to tune into your soul and you heart’s desires and to relax enough to see that there ARE other things you can do with your time and energy.

My weekly gathering online gives everyone the space to find time for themselves, even people who have said “I can’t I’ve got so much to do, I am so maxed out with work and crap I don’t have the time for me or anyone else I love…” attend one class then say “I HAVE TO MAKE TIME FOR THIS IT FUELS MY SOUL!” so join us. It’s an aweseom Sisterhood.

Neen Forder’s Story of How she went from Fear Back To Love

I did that thing where you wake up at 3am with an idea. I heard loud as anything “you need to use the brand BackToLove for your work” and I realise now it’s in everything I do!

I used to be known by my friends as a worrier, always thinking about the “what ifs” and the worst case scenarios. I promise you, I have managed to move from living in constant fear and worry (I mean worry that grips you and tears your insides apart making you feel like throwing up, convinced everything bad was going to happen, distracted so much with my fears, all day every day) – to feeling hopeful, easy and trusting that we will be ok no matter what.

I almost used to have a mantra that I hated change. I had been brought up hating change, seeing it as a bad thing.  And because I said that all the time, guess what, I DID hate change.

So much that I stayed doing things I didn’t love, working for bosses who bullied me, living in constant fear of not having enough money. I felt trapped because I felt the pressures to work to live and live to work and earn money and do what’s expected.

I have always helped people with various things to help them feel better (from flower remedies, psychic readings, clearing past lives) and have helped so many people through what was sideline business but in 2016 that all changed.

Valentine’s day 2016, I had the most amazing labour which I actively enjoyed because I did hypnobirthing and retrained as a coach, but focused still on the work I felt I had to do, not what I wanted to do. I worked every day trying to run a telemarketing business. Once it was just me, then I got my hubby on board, then I got a team on board as my body kept trying to tell me it was wrong. I developed debilitating asthma, kept losing my voice and the more I tried to work, the worse my health got so I couldn’t work properly at all.

My role in the company changed from me doing all the work and earning a LOT of money, to being the company figurehead.  I was the person saying “hey we love what we do, we are COMPLETELY awesome, and WE ARE GREAT” whilst not being able to actually speak to anyone as my voice had gone and being petrified we’d lose clients. So you can imagine how well that went!

I was too scared to even speak to clients in case they were calling to say they were leaving. Then they DID call to say that. I’d had so many close friends telling me I needed to STOP immediately or I’d burn out. You’d think I’d get the hint right? Again, nope.

My friends tried to remind me I’d joked I was quitting work or at least S L O W I N G down.  But I didn’t, how could I?  I had a family to feed and bills… hubby was unwell too – you can feel that frenzied messed up fear based energy right?  (please breathe and release that!)

I was scared. It was torture. I went so downhill I started to get numb and not even care, because the fear was too much to bear. I grew sicker and sicker, unable to breathe, going to hospital (feeling relieved that someone was looking after me when I was admitted). I spent months in bed watching Netflix because I was so depressed I could not move.

One day I went to the river and stood on the bridge. I was about to climb up onto the railings, I’d had enough, life hurt, I felt like a failure.  But I felt my Spirit Guide grab me and pull me back. He kept telling me it would get better. I trusted him. I saw the face of my son and knew I had to stay.

I had one friend (who is NEVER dramatic) call me and beg me to cancel a flight for business because she felt I wasn’t well. I look at the pictures now and I can see I really wasn’t but I was trying to fake it. So I changed that meeting to a zoom call and within 1 hour of having the call I came down with (pretty much Covid) back in 2019 for MONTHS.

I thought it was the worst thing ever, but turned out to be the best. Because at the end of my illness, hubby told me that our business needed to close and he was in bits.

Me? I felt RELEIEF!  I could finally say to the Universe:

“I’m done. I can’t do any more to make my life work. It’s over to you. I’m trusting you to sort this out because I’ve got nothing left to give”

I’d dealt with a lot that year; both my parents had cancer, I lost 5 elderly cats in 18 months and my business died, I was expecting a baby and had an older son, with no idea of how to make it work. I had my son and then 2 weeks later we went into lockdown. There was no work. For anyone. I felt relief again – the pressure was off. I could be a Mum. I could just relax. Nobody could work, and there was help in place. And I wasn’t alone either. That made me feel better, the fact I wasn’t alone. You are not alone either.

My hubby carried on trying to make the business work in a different way then one day cried, saying he was working so hard and we weren’t making any money. I told him to just stop and focus his attention on his passions, because if he was not making any money he may as well do something that he loved – castles – and he did.

A couple of months later he’s writing articles and being involved in helping someone with a Castle renovations project, and I am able to spend my spare time focusing on helping people come through all the rubbish I’ve been through, to feel empowered and safe.

On those days I don’t feel the love for life and all the external “stuff” seems too much, I remind myself that I can get through it and I start to feel grateful that I know how to work through these crappy feelings of insecurity (usually a bedfellow of fear) and unworthiness (also a bedfellow, with a bit of lack of control thrown in to spice it up).

You see, I have been there. And now I know how to make sure I don’t go too deep into the hole when it appears at me.

Are you ready to commit to the same for yourself and find the tools to help you cope better with your fears too?


What to do when life feels overwhelming, how to cope, what to “do” and how to HEAL and stop overwhelm taking over your life.

I don’t shout about this but years ago I trained as a Flower Remedy practitioner for Bach and Alaskan essences. I have some absolutely favourites which I still go to over the years…and the top one for me is ELM. It lives in my kitchen cupboard by the coffee for the kids or those moments where I’ve let my own self-care slip…yep it happens.

You see, the elm remedy combats overwhelm.

Not only is the remedy ELM in the word, but the other clue to how overwhelm impacts on us is in the word itself… OVER… too much, more than we can cope with…

What is Overwhelm?

Ultimately it’s a fear that we are less than, not able to cope with our human responsibilities. FEAR.

It feels all consuming, (of course it does it’s trying to stop us doing more) there is too much on our plate, we can’t face it effectively, we end up getting lost in it, worrying rather than being. We are usually judging ourselves on some external constraints or expectations or years of conditioning.

Why Do we Get Overwhelmed SPECIFICALLY when we are about to do something new?

You know those old sayings “better the devil you know” and ‘don’t rock the boat”? Harmless enough sayings, but pretty deeply ingrained in us and rooted in our subconscious. Despite what it is you’re trying, that little naysayer in your brain goes “WOAH WOAH WOAH, hang on a minute, you want me to do MORE? nah I’m ok like this thanks. I don’t need to change, hey if I distract myself long enough then I won’t have to face this”

So, whenever we embark on something new for our self-care, there’s a part of us that feels overwhelmed because your soul knows you’re about to break some fairly old and deep rooted patterns, so it’s only natural that you’ll feel some resistance.

Perhaps you’ve been told it’s SELFISH to focus on you – WRONG! Self-care is not being selfish. It’s being self-aware. If your bucket is empty you can’t give to others. But you probably weren’t taught this growing up right? Remember, tow the line, don’t rock the boat? BS, you SHOULD rock the boat, and I mean RAWWWWWWKKKKK THE BOAT…but before you can get there, you need to feel comfortable on the water…and that starts with overcoming overwhelm.

How To Overcome Overwhelm

By understanding that resistance is normal whenever you’re trying to improve or change how you feel, then you can manage the overwhelm, we can start to move through it. 

If you’re here because you want to take more self-care time and are feeling this sense of overwhelm now, it’s OK, it’s your brain trying to claw back it’s familiar patterns. By learning how to manage your thoughts and emotions, you can combat overwhelm.

Not combat it a beat yourself up sense, but in a loving, let’s be proactive, I know you’re feeling scared and I’ve got your back sense.

You have to ask yourself certain questions to get your brain to consider how it reacts to the changes you want to put in place.

Over time, with this practice your lovely mind starts to embrace things more and not resist so much.

When you do this, you then find you’re not so overwhelmed and you automatically go into to curiosity mode, so your brain tries to help you to cope and look for ways to change its perspective without the fear aspect that creates overwhelm creeping in.

In my upcoming online course “Fear Free in ’23” Overwhelm is the very first thing we’ll be looking at and I take you through how to retrain your brain, lovingly, to help it feel less overwhelm. There are exercises throughout my From Fear Back To Love journal which forms the basis of this course to take you through the process of managing overwhelm, tackling it before it kicks in, with some awesome insights I’ve been taught over the years to bring the overwhelm back into perspective.

Is it time for you to join me and start your journey to get rid of fear, starting with overwhelm? I hope so.