Tag: fear

“I just wonder if things are ever going to get any better. I am so tired of struggling. I feel like I’m stuck in mud. And as soon as I get free and start thriving, and then everything crashes, like F@ck and I’m pulled back, and I’m scared to try again this time.”

I love all the shares that you have been giving me recently. And this amazing, lovely, beautiful woman asked me this, “I just wonder if things are ever going to get any better. I am so tired of struggling. I feel like I’m stuck in mud. And as soon as I get free and start thriving, and then everything crashes, like F@ck and I’m pulled back, and I’m scared to try again this time.”

Here’s how I answered this

Now, I’ve been there, and I genuinely have been there because I remember saying to my husband, and other people, “I am scared to say that I’m happy.” I remember feeling happy I went to a festival, I came back and then I lost this cat that was like a baby to me. I did my Reiki training and then lost other stuff. And it was this thing of every time I felt I was making good positive steps forward in my life, and that I actually uttered the words, “I feel happy, then everything went t1ts up.

So I do understand when I say I understand that Feeling of “Well, I don’t want to try and make things better. Because if I make things better than things are going to turn bad, and what’s going on with all of that?”

And there might be people that will say you’re self sabotaging and you’re doing this and the other but what’s actually happening I think is that it’s life’s become a bit black and white, there’s not much middle ground and the grey and the there’s a lot of feeling that you’re either saying that things are great or things are bad.

So one solution is a really easy, simple practice to do. Yet to actually do it, it can feel really challenging. And, you know, I’m gonna say this, but doing gratitude and not do not just platitude gratitudes where you’re like, “I am grateful for this today”but the ones which make your heart feel something. If there’s resistance it may be perfect for you.

And you need to retrain that gorgeous brain and know try this every single day.

Know that it is safe for you to acknowledge the tiny wins the tiny things that you are grateful for the tiny things that have happened;

  • the person who smiled at you,
  • the person that liked your post,
  • the person who’s answering your video,

…the little things, because what it does, and you know what it’s in my show you this now is in my fear back to love journal. And we’ve just worked through this in my online Goddess Gathering group which a few of my clients and I do together and we’ll be we’ll be coming back around to it.

This came to me in the middle of the night, just ages go by fearing Okay, let me backtrack, every dot is a day, okay? This dot is when something big can happens. Fear is making every day feel that little bit more sh1t.

Because that’s what fear does is it kind of goes “Oh, I’m gonna make it so that we’re anticipating things” and then “it”happens and then you still feel really bad.

If we can get it to a stage where we reset your fear profile so that basically every single day is viewed with a little bit more compassion with a little bit more kindness for everything that you are already doing – because my god you’re trying – the very fact you’re saying this in your original comment where you said you are trying you’re scared to try again – it’s just fear, it’s fear that stopping you and we can we can manage fear. That’s what all of this has been on in my Thursdsy meeting group is on is working through and getting rid of fear.

But here’s what happens is if you are taking this fear into everyday worrying what’s going to happen when that big red dot does happen. There’s so much confusion around it and extra fears and all the other things all those thoughts you’re thinking about. You go through every single scenario in your mind that may or may not ever happen and fear as Will Smith said it very nicely in I Am Legend, Fear is not real. It is based purely on something that may or may not ever happen. But if we can get it so that the fear everyday is reduced than when something big happens, you’ve got more clarity and you’re able to see the bits you need to go for and the bits you need to work on better. That’s a really abridged version of that and I’m more than happy to explore it with you further.

But the way the way to trust that things are going to get better is to get into the habit of being grateful for the tiny things that you do, and your impact on the world, because you do more than you know, you asking me that question struck my heart, and made me think, oh my god, I’m doing the right thing here. This is exactly the kind of work I meant to be doing, because I know I can help people like her. Okay. And I get that fear to try again.

And that’s why you need people around you that you can really get the support from and the love from, to really feel connected, as well. And I will gladly be that person for you. Just reach out, okay. Because, for me, I used to honestly, I lived, I worried what if and I’m sure you do this, too. I have worried if I wasn’t worrying. That’s the other thing. Your brain sometimes says “I’m not worrying about anything, what’s wrong, what’s going to happen?

But also you will get to a point where actually you have no choice but to go. But this universe, I surrender, there’s nothing else I can do. So over to you, I command you to step in, and show me the next best step because I can’t do this anymore. So I would be inclined to ask for a sign. And to say to the angels, “do you know what I need you to come in and help me on this one now. I need you to show me” – or God or whatever or whoever you believe in – To just go, “I need your help, to feel safe to feel happy and to feel successful”. And then there be some conditioning that you’ve heard probably from your childhood or past lives even. Because we do drag this back and again that stuff we can clear with the SRT work I do or point you in the direction of other people because I’m not trying to answer your question here. I’m not trying to flog me stuff.

Now to break it down a bit. You said “things” What are things, the things you’re talking about? explore those what things? What specific things do you want to have get better, write them down? The situation’s what you and then write what then getting better would look like for you. So wonder if things are gonna get any better. So you write down the thing and you write down what it looks like when it’s better. Don’t write the negative, just be like, okay, so if it’s with work, this is what it looks like If it’s better…My dream thing you would be this…

You’re tired of struggling, then stop. quicksand. The more you struggle, the worse it gets. Stop. You feel like you’re stuck in mud. And as soon as you get free and start thriving, everything crashes and you’re pulled back. What is pulling you back?

Who is pulling you back?

Are you stepping back?

Are you falling back?

Are you being dragged back?

Is it old patterns? Is it old thought processes?

And you’re scared to try again this time? Where are you now? Right now as you watch this video?

Are you stuck in the mud? Where are you? You know, are you halfway out? Are you?

Are you like fully up to here? Are you just your feet in? Or are you just looking at that puddle thing and not going near that?

Or are you in a cave hiding because you’re too scared to get out there and do anything, which I totally understand because I promise you I’ve been there. I have a really, really, really, really have and I know that you need the support to get out. And that’s what I’m hoping this video does. I’m hoping this is just giving you a few aha moments that are really going to help you with this.

So like I said in my post, thank you for your honesty and sharing I hope I’ve given you some snippets that are going to help send me a message if you need anything and if you want to explore something further and we can work through it. Okay, you’ll know who you are.

Is now the time for you to feel a part of a sisterhood and get the support you need like working through these questions with an amazing group? Join us.

Knowing Your Fear Profile Can Help you Get rid of Fear FOREVER

Did you know we all have a few profile?

Well, we do.

What is A Fear Profile?

It’s a diagram which shows how we approach, and are affected by fear every single day. It’s a visual representation of what’s in your head and how you feel about fear.

What does knowing my Fear Profile do for me?

When you understand your fear profile, you have. visual reference point to think about which helps you to reframe it and change it. When you’ve seen what your current fear profile is, you can learn to change it.

How do I find out what my Fear Profile is?

Join Neen Forder (that’s me) on my Fear Free in ’23 challenge where we work through my From Fear Back To Love Journal and go through understanding fear, managing fear so you don’t get that awful put of the stomach gripping anymore.

If you don’t believe this is possible, think again. Read my story here and you’ll understand how this can be done.

Neen Forder’s Story of How she went from Fear Back To Love

I did that thing where you wake up at 3am with an idea. I heard loud as anything “you need to use the brand BackToLove for your work” and I realise now it’s in everything I do!

I used to be known by my friends as a worrier, always thinking about the “what ifs” and the worst case scenarios. I promise you, I have managed to move from living in constant fear and worry (I mean worry that grips you and tears your insides apart making you feel like throwing up, convinced everything bad was going to happen, distracted so much with my fears, all day every day) – to feeling hopeful, easy and trusting that we will be ok no matter what.

I almost used to have a mantra that I hated change. I had been brought up hating change, seeing it as a bad thing.  And because I said that all the time, guess what, I DID hate change.

So much that I stayed doing things I didn’t love, working for bosses who bullied me, living in constant fear of not having enough money. I felt trapped because I felt the pressures to work to live and live to work and earn money and do what’s expected.

I have always helped people with various things to help them feel better (from flower remedies, psychic readings, clearing past lives) and have helped so many people through what was sideline business but in 2016 that all changed.

Valentine’s day 2016, I had the most amazing labour which I actively enjoyed because I did hypnobirthing and retrained as a coach, but focused still on the work I felt I had to do, not what I wanted to do. I worked every day trying to run a telemarketing business. Once it was just me, then I got my hubby on board, then I got a team on board as my body kept trying to tell me it was wrong. I developed debilitating asthma, kept losing my voice and the more I tried to work, the worse my health got so I couldn’t work properly at all.

My role in the company changed from me doing all the work and earning a LOT of money, to being the company figurehead.  I was the person saying “hey we love what we do, we are COMPLETELY awesome, and WE ARE GREAT” whilst not being able to actually speak to anyone as my voice had gone and being petrified we’d lose clients. So you can imagine how well that went!

I was too scared to even speak to clients in case they were calling to say they were leaving. Then they DID call to say that. I’d had so many close friends telling me I needed to STOP immediately or I’d burn out. You’d think I’d get the hint right? Again, nope.

My friends tried to remind me I’d joked I was quitting work or at least S L O W I N G down.  But I didn’t, how could I?  I had a family to feed and bills… hubby was unwell too – you can feel that frenzied messed up fear based energy right?  (please breathe and release that!)

I was scared. It was torture. I went so downhill I started to get numb and not even care, because the fear was too much to bear. I grew sicker and sicker, unable to breathe, going to hospital (feeling relieved that someone was looking after me when I was admitted). I spent months in bed watching Netflix because I was so depressed I could not move.

One day I went to the river and stood on the bridge. I was about to climb up onto the railings, I’d had enough, life hurt, I felt like a failure.  But I felt my Spirit Guide grab me and pull me back. He kept telling me it would get better. I trusted him. I saw the face of my son and knew I had to stay.

I had one friend (who is NEVER dramatic) call me and beg me to cancel a flight for business because she felt I wasn’t well. I look at the pictures now and I can see I really wasn’t but I was trying to fake it. So I changed that meeting to a zoom call and within 1 hour of having the call I came down with (pretty much Covid) back in 2019 for MONTHS.

I thought it was the worst thing ever, but turned out to be the best. Because at the end of my illness, hubby told me that our business needed to close and he was in bits.

Me? I felt RELEIEF!  I could finally say to the Universe:

“I’m done. I can’t do any more to make my life work. It’s over to you. I’m trusting you to sort this out because I’ve got nothing left to give”

I’d dealt with a lot that year; both my parents had cancer, I lost 5 elderly cats in 18 months and my business died, I was expecting a baby and had an older son, with no idea of how to make it work. I had my son and then 2 weeks later we went into lockdown. There was no work. For anyone. I felt relief again – the pressure was off. I could be a Mum. I could just relax. Nobody could work, and there was help in place. And I wasn’t alone either. That made me feel better, the fact I wasn’t alone. You are not alone either.

My hubby carried on trying to make the business work in a different way then one day cried, saying he was working so hard and we weren’t making any money. I told him to just stop and focus his attention on his passions, because if he was not making any money he may as well do something that he loved – castles – and he did.

A couple of months later he’s writing articles and being involved in helping someone with a Castle renovations project, and I am able to spend my spare time focusing on helping people come through all the rubbish I’ve been through, to feel empowered and safe.

On those days I don’t feel the love for life and all the external “stuff” seems too much, I remind myself that I can get through it and I start to feel grateful that I know how to work through these crappy feelings of insecurity (usually a bedfellow of fear) and unworthiness (also a bedfellow, with a bit of lack of control thrown in to spice it up).

You see, I have been there. And now I know how to make sure I don’t go too deep into the hole when it appears at me.

Are you ready to commit to the same for yourself and find the tools to help you cope better with your fears too?


How to get rid of FEAR easily

Now don’t freak out. Instantly feel freaked out? That’s how fear works. A sneaky ear worm here, a persistent nag there, a conditioned bit of poison over there… I get it, fear is toxic, contagious and invasive. But it doesn’t have to be.

If fear is your initial reaction then you’ve gone into overwhelm – you can read about how to tackle that here, and I’ll be taking you through it in my Fear Free in ’23 course…this blog is all about how you can manage fear so it fact feels like you’ve removed it with a super simple technique.

You see fear is a natural psychological response we are all conditioned with for good reasons – you know the old fight or flight SHIT THERE IS A TIGER CHASING ME… but today’s tiger is our conditioning, our fears about paying bills, about getting work, about fitting in… and whilst there’s no tiger, that adrenalin sure feels like there is doesn’t it?

Know that it’s normal for your brain to try to trip you up when it comes to fear. And find ways to love it, and to forgive it. It’s a busy brain doing a shedload more than you give it credit for, so sometimes it needs a bit of TLC to help you to bring it into the top tier of importance in your life. Sometimes, it’s so busy doing stuff that it needs the part of you that’s aware of it to remind it that it’s amazing.

Throughout my journal From Fear Back To Love and the challenge Fear Free in ’23 we go through how to do this in depth. Once we tackle the overwhelm, we move onto looking at Mantras – what they are, why they matter, how to find yours and then implementing using it.

A mantra is a subtle but effective way of training your brain. it takes a bit of conscious work but when you start to implement it you will notice your default reaction to situations is in fact more positive, more curious, more problem solve mode than freak out mode.


A mantra says to your brain:

A Mantra is something which is best explained to you in person and finding the right one requires you to look at a few different things to really make sure you get the one which clicks for you. Are you gonna join me in helping find yours and see how it starts your journey to getting rid of fear once and for all?

Come on then, sign up here and you’ll get your goody box and journal in the post before we kick off the live challenge calls.

What to do when life feels overwhelming, how to cope, what to “do” and how to HEAL and stop overwhelm taking over your life.

I don’t shout about this but years ago I trained as a Flower Remedy practitioner for Bach and Alaskan essences. I have some absolutely favourites which I still go to over the years…and the top one for me is ELM. It lives in my kitchen cupboard by the coffee for the kids or those moments where I’ve let my own self-care slip…yep it happens.

You see, the elm remedy combats overwhelm.

Not only is the remedy ELM in the word, but the other clue to how overwhelm impacts on us is in the word itself… OVER… too much, more than we can cope with…

What is Overwhelm?

Ultimately it’s a fear that we are less than, not able to cope with our human responsibilities. FEAR.

It feels all consuming, (of course it does it’s trying to stop us doing more) there is too much on our plate, we can’t face it effectively, we end up getting lost in it, worrying rather than being. We are usually judging ourselves on some external constraints or expectations or years of conditioning.

Why Do we Get Overwhelmed SPECIFICALLY when we are about to do something new?

You know those old sayings “better the devil you know” and ‘don’t rock the boat”? Harmless enough sayings, but pretty deeply ingrained in us and rooted in our subconscious. Despite what it is you’re trying, that little naysayer in your brain goes “WOAH WOAH WOAH, hang on a minute, you want me to do MORE? nah I’m ok like this thanks. I don’t need to change, hey if I distract myself long enough then I won’t have to face this”

So, whenever we embark on something new for our self-care, there’s a part of us that feels overwhelmed because your soul knows you’re about to break some fairly old and deep rooted patterns, so it’s only natural that you’ll feel some resistance.

Perhaps you’ve been told it’s SELFISH to focus on you – WRONG! Self-care is not being selfish. It’s being self-aware. If your bucket is empty you can’t give to others. But you probably weren’t taught this growing up right? Remember, tow the line, don’t rock the boat? BS, you SHOULD rock the boat, and I mean RAWWWWWWKKKKK THE BOAT…but before you can get there, you need to feel comfortable on the water…and that starts with overcoming overwhelm.

How To Overcome Overwhelm

By understanding that resistance is normal whenever you’re trying to improve or change how you feel, then you can manage the overwhelm, we can start to move through it. 

If you’re here because you want to take more self-care time and are feeling this sense of overwhelm now, it’s OK, it’s your brain trying to claw back it’s familiar patterns. By learning how to manage your thoughts and emotions, you can combat overwhelm.

Not combat it a beat yourself up sense, but in a loving, let’s be proactive, I know you’re feeling scared and I’ve got your back sense.

You have to ask yourself certain questions to get your brain to consider how it reacts to the changes you want to put in place.

Over time, with this practice your lovely mind starts to embrace things more and not resist so much.

When you do this, you then find you’re not so overwhelmed and you automatically go into to curiosity mode, so your brain tries to help you to cope and look for ways to change its perspective without the fear aspect that creates overwhelm creeping in.

In my upcoming online course “Fear Free in ’23” Overwhelm is the very first thing we’ll be looking at and I take you through how to retrain your brain, lovingly, to help it feel less overwhelm. There are exercises throughout my From Fear Back To Love journal which forms the basis of this course to take you through the process of managing overwhelm, tackling it before it kicks in, with some awesome insights I’ve been taught over the years to bring the overwhelm back into perspective.

Is it time for you to join me and start your journey to get rid of fear, starting with overwhelm? I hope so.