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Category: Self-Confidence

“I just wonder if things are ever going to get any better. I am so tired of struggling. I feel like I’m stuck in mud. And as soon as I get free and start thriving, and then everything crashes, like F@ck and I’m pulled back, and I’m scared to try again this time.”

I love all the shares that you have been giving me recently. And this amazing, lovely, beautiful woman asked me this, “I just wonder if things are ever going to get any better. I am so tired of struggling. I feel like I’m stuck in mud. And as soon as I get free and start thriving, and then everything crashes, like F@ck and I’m pulled back, and I’m scared to try again this time.”

Here’s how I answered this

Now, I’ve been there, and I genuinely have been there because I remember saying to my husband, and other people, “I am scared to say that I’m happy.” I remember feeling happy I went to a festival, I came back and then I lost this cat that was like a baby to me. I did my Reiki training and then lost other stuff. And it was this thing of every time I felt I was making good positive steps forward in my life, and that I actually uttered the words, “I feel happy, then everything went t1ts up.

So I do understand when I say I understand that Feeling of “Well, I don’t want to try and make things better. Because if I make things better than things are going to turn bad, and what’s going on with all of that?”

And there might be people that will say you’re self sabotaging and you’re doing this and the other but what’s actually happening I think is that it’s life’s become a bit black and white, there’s not much middle ground and the grey and the there’s a lot of feeling that you’re either saying that things are great or things are bad.

So one solution is a really easy, simple practice to do. Yet to actually do it, it can feel really challenging. And, you know, I’m gonna say this, but doing gratitude and not do not just platitude gratitudes where you’re like, “I am grateful for this today”but the ones which make your heart feel something. If there’s resistance it may be perfect for you.

And you need to retrain that gorgeous brain and know try this every single day.

Know that it is safe for you to acknowledge the tiny wins the tiny things that you are grateful for the tiny things that have happened;

  • the person who smiled at you,
  • the person that liked your post,
  • the person who’s answering your video,

…the little things, because what it does, and you know what it’s in my show you this now is in my fear back to love journal. And we’ve just worked through this in my online Goddess Gathering group which a few of my clients and I do together and we’ll be we’ll be coming back around to it.

This came to me in the middle of the night, just ages go by fearing Okay, let me backtrack, every dot is a day, okay? This dot is when something big can happens. Fear is making every day feel that little bit more sh1t.

Because that’s what fear does is it kind of goes “Oh, I’m gonna make it so that we’re anticipating things” and then “it”happens and then you still feel really bad.

If we can get it to a stage where we reset your fear profile so that basically every single day is viewed with a little bit more compassion with a little bit more kindness for everything that you are already doing – because my god you’re trying – the very fact you’re saying this in your original comment where you said you are trying you’re scared to try again – it’s just fear, it’s fear that stopping you and we can we can manage fear. That’s what all of this has been on in my Thursdsy meeting group is on is working through and getting rid of fear.

But here’s what happens is if you are taking this fear into everyday worrying what’s going to happen when that big red dot does happen. There’s so much confusion around it and extra fears and all the other things all those thoughts you’re thinking about. You go through every single scenario in your mind that may or may not ever happen and fear as Will Smith said it very nicely in I Am Legend, Fear is not real. It is based purely on something that may or may not ever happen. But if we can get it so that the fear everyday is reduced than when something big happens, you’ve got more clarity and you’re able to see the bits you need to go for and the bits you need to work on better. That’s a really abridged version of that and I’m more than happy to explore it with you further.

But the way the way to trust that things are going to get better is to get into the habit of being grateful for the tiny things that you do, and your impact on the world, because you do more than you know, you asking me that question struck my heart, and made me think, oh my god, I’m doing the right thing here. This is exactly the kind of work I meant to be doing, because I know I can help people like her. Okay. And I get that fear to try again.

And that’s why you need people around you that you can really get the support from and the love from, to really feel connected, as well. And I will gladly be that person for you. Just reach out, okay. Because, for me, I used to honestly, I lived, I worried what if and I’m sure you do this, too. I have worried if I wasn’t worrying. That’s the other thing. Your brain sometimes says “I’m not worrying about anything, what’s wrong, what’s going to happen?

But also you will get to a point where actually you have no choice but to go. But this universe, I surrender, there’s nothing else I can do. So over to you, I command you to step in, and show me the next best step because I can’t do this anymore. So I would be inclined to ask for a sign. And to say to the angels, “do you know what I need you to come in and help me on this one now. I need you to show me” – or God or whatever or whoever you believe in – To just go, “I need your help, to feel safe to feel happy and to feel successful”. And then there be some conditioning that you’ve heard probably from your childhood or past lives even. Because we do drag this back and again that stuff we can clear with the SRT work I do or point you in the direction of other people because I’m not trying to answer your question here. I’m not trying to flog me stuff.

Now to break it down a bit. You said “things” What are things, the things you’re talking about? explore those what things? What specific things do you want to have get better, write them down? The situation’s what you and then write what then getting better would look like for you. So wonder if things are gonna get any better. So you write down the thing and you write down what it looks like when it’s better. Don’t write the negative, just be like, okay, so if it’s with work, this is what it looks like If it’s better…My dream thing you would be this…

You’re tired of struggling, then stop. quicksand. The more you struggle, the worse it gets. Stop. You feel like you’re stuck in mud. And as soon as you get free and start thriving, everything crashes and you’re pulled back. What is pulling you back?

Who is pulling you back?

Are you stepping back?

Are you falling back?

Are you being dragged back?

Is it old patterns? Is it old thought processes?

And you’re scared to try again this time? Where are you now? Right now as you watch this video?

Are you stuck in the mud? Where are you? You know, are you halfway out? Are you?

Are you like fully up to here? Are you just your feet in? Or are you just looking at that puddle thing and not going near that?

Or are you in a cave hiding because you’re too scared to get out there and do anything, which I totally understand because I promise you I’ve been there. I have a really, really, really, really have and I know that you need the support to get out. And that’s what I’m hoping this video does. I’m hoping this is just giving you a few aha moments that are really going to help you with this.

So like I said in my post, thank you for your honesty and sharing I hope I’ve given you some snippets that are going to help send me a message if you need anything and if you want to explore something further and we can work through it. Okay, you’ll know who you are.

Is now the time for you to feel a part of a sisterhood and get the support you need like working through these questions with an amazing group? Join us.

How do I love me?

How do you love yourself? Isn’t it the age old question?

We all struggle to really love ourselves at some point in our lives.


How do I love myself? Well, that’s a hard one. Because it’s a, it’s a journey. It really is. And, by that, you have to look at all those bits that you’re too scared to look at.


And I suggest, if you’re going to do this kind of work, that you do it with a group of people, I’ve got a group of that, that we work through all of my journal exercises, one by one to, to kind of get to this. And there are some really good exercises, certainly in the unicorn journal about finding those things that make you unique, because I’ve spent years helping people find that thing that they don’t see in themselves.

And just from one conversation, I will talk to people and say, “You know what, actually, this is what you do, that’s really different. Nobody else does that. And you’ve got this than the way that you speak and this and the way that you put yourself forward.” And I’ve got a knack for bringing that out in people.

Here’s what I suggest:

And so what I would first off encourage you to do is talk to other people and ask them, and oh my god, it takes guts, it really takes guts, but you have to ask people what they think of you. And there are ways to do that. And reach out to me if you want me to take you through like an exercise on how to do that. Because it’s, it’s, it’s something that you can do really effectively. Go on Facebook, say, Okay, tell me three things that you like about me, and I’ll do the same. And I’ll give you three things back.

And then I’ve got a really good idea to do with the three things that they give you, which helps you as more of a ritualistic thing, but I don’t have time to go into the details of that today.

But in order to love you, you have to accept or less aspects of you that in every given moment, you are perfect. Right as you are right now, like me, roots need done grey hairs, jumper look like I’ve hardly slept, haven’t been able to use creams for months, because my face has been a nightmare. But you know what, in here, I actually do finally love and accept who I am for all of my foibles. And, you know, the biggest thing for me has been talking to other people about so much different stuff.

So like, I’ve been the person who are I’ll talk to strangers and feel oh my god, I’ve just told them my life story, or I’ll go on a train, and I’ll have the person tell me their life story, or I’ll overshare with a complete stranger. Or sometimes, the old me would have been like, oh, I shouldn’t have complimented that person. She wasn’t comfortable with it. I complimented somebody yesterday on their food, I was like, Oh my God, this food is beautiful. And like those just food. And they really weren’t comfortable. But to me, it was like a beautiful rainbow for the eyes. I explore more about setting boundaries, having awareness and confidence in other relationships in my ABC journal which you can get here, but we’re also about to start working through this in my supportive online group! So don’t miss it.

But it’s only by talking with other people, that you will understand that these things you think are your flaws. Every other woman usually women in the world, even guys actually not true guys feel this to every other person in the world has the same thoughts. And we’re all at a different level of our healing journey. And that’s again, why talking to other people, you will get to pull in the different levels of expertise. And if you get your tribe if you’re really good at building your tribe, and by tribe, I mean, people that you can love and trust and feel safe with and just have that safe space. Then you can explore all of those things. And the problem is if you’re one of these people like I have been in the past that doesn’t reach out.

I’ve recently been through something pretty traumatic. And actually I’ve reached out to all of my friends that I consider dear friends and I just went this is going on I’m going to need your support. And I’ve just seen for for for again, for for for Angel numbers. I’m on the right path for the confirmation from the angels that they’re with me going through this is amazing.

The answer to the question of how do you love you, you’ve got to forgive yourself. First, there’ll be things that you feel guilty for. And my friend used to say guilt is a bag of bricks, put it down. And there’s a whole exercise I’ve written in one of my journals to go through that, and how to take the guilt and the stuff that you felt bad for, and turn it into something positive, and for not hanging on to all the things that you think you’ve done wrong, or that make you any less than perfect, or whole. And social media is SHIT for giving you that pressure, being like, Oh, here’s my perfect filtered face. And this is what you meant. And this is why I don’t kind of care I come on and I get my mum was saying go to her looked mess on that video, I don’t care. Because I just need to get the message across, right?

So how you love YOU, is a very big topic, with a lot of little compartments that actually you just work on snippets at a time and over time, you will build this better respect and love for yourself.

It’s about setting good boundaries with people being able to say no

Surrounding yourself with the people who you love, and who make you feel good. And those people that support you, regardless of whether you’re up here or you’re down there. I’ve got some amazing friends that I’ve never met in person that I’ve met online that I can do this with.

And it’s about just really acknowledging and appreciating who you are right now and loving that person because she’s flippin awesome. He’s awesome.

We are all human, you never get to see the the truth of somebody, you only ever get to see the bit that they present to the world. So they might look like they’ve got their you-know-what together when actually they haven’t.

And the great thing? you have got the power to decide how you put yourself out to the world. And I think it’s important that you, you learn that you’re your harshest critic, that inner voice that you’ve got is usually a combination of parents, teachers, people who’ve pissed you off in the past or that you’ve pissed off in the past. So that inner negative voice and that mind chatter is usually somebody or something that has been critical of you in the past. Is that you? Is that your voice?

And again, the work I do with people is helping them to defrag all that and actually work out what it is. There’s their voice and getting that and grabbing it and bringing it out.

So I love the fact that you’ve asked me that question. And I hope that this goes some way towards answering that for you. And I’m gonna tag the original person in this post but just keep asking me questions, guys. I love it. I love being made to think of the answers because these are all questions that I’ve asked myself and I still have blips don’t get me wrong, I definitely still have Blips. But, you know, as the back to love goddess guide. I’m here to help you guys and girls, get back to that place where you fully love and accept who you are. Because I promise you, there are more people in the world who believe in you and see you as something amazing. And then there are people who don’t. You are loved. You are appreciated. There is somebody out there who has remembered one compliment you gave them for the rest of their flippin life. You are changing their life positively every day and yet you won’t be aware of that.

But now I’ve said that feel it in your heart because you will be able to feel it because we’re all connected to source.

Feel it and know it to be true. If you don’t then get on my live course and join my amazing group of people working through all this and more.

Lots of love

What could life tell you to help you

I asked the question,

“If you could ask one question about you or your life to help you feel better about yourself, what would it be?”

And someone answered

Life?

Well…I promised a video to explain my answer to this and here it is!


Hey, as promised, I’m answering the question that you guys were asking me now, I asked you, if you could ask one question about your life or you to help you feel better about yourself. What would it be?

Now, my dear friend, Sam, Grant answered life, question mark. And she’s like, oh, sorry, I know, that’s not very helpful. But actually, I get it. And I think I get it.

So let’s try to explain and kind of give my answer.

So if you could ask one question about you or your life to help you feel better about yourself, what would it be?

So she said “life.”

This suggests to me the following:

She’s not quite sure what life is feeling like at the moment, there’s a bit of a sense of overwhelm, there’s a bit too much going on. Um, a lot going on that.

Perhaps she’s not able to see the clarity, she doesn’t feel that she’s got yet the parts of her life in order that she wants. She’s like life what, but also its life question might life what is going on. And that’s, that’s kind of what I’m drawing from this. And this is quite a difficult one to start on.

There are some others and I, I love the fact that some of you throw me complete curveballs. And some of you have answered the question. And some of you have come in from a positive mindset. And we’ll be doing other videos about this. But if you could ask one question about you or your life to help feel better about yourself, what would it be life life? Give me the answers, show me the way give me directions, show me the signs, give me the things to look out for.

So Sam, my darling, amazing friend, and I’m going to be seeing you at the weekend. And we’ll talk about it further. But remember, to give yourself some time to breathe. I know you’re a mum, you’re also amazing Sam, your wife, your all those other roles with sometimes just need those moments to be you. And I think for you, that’s what will give you that space and those answers to flooding because it’s when you stop that you allow things to then pop through and come in as you know.

So yeah, I think if you’re feeling hectic and like there’s so much going on that is like life because it could also be read life, what life depending on your interpretation.

And I know I I feel I feel I know that you scuze me, I feel I know that you are asking all of those things like life, work life, come on life, give me the answers, all of those.

And so what you’re saying is I need to have some direction I need to have some clues. I’m on the right path. I just need some confirmation. I need to have that validation. And you know that life is going to start showing you that too.

So I hope that helps answer that one for you my darling and love you loads.

Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is something a lot of us have had knocked what with the changes covid has brought. Personally, I’ve struggled with my hubby having long covid, and I have had to re-evaluate my support network (as he hasn’t got it in him) and it’s been a challenging time, but I’ve managed to embrace a lot of great rituals which I am sharing here, and in my courses and journals. Here’s a little snippet and why I think each one is important.

Be honest with your inner wishes and desires: Well, this one. I tried for years to be interested in something that just wasn’t my heart’s calling. When I started Telemarketing I loved it, it was just me, I did a great job and got great feedback, but building an empire and a team just didn’t work for me and I lost the love. I now LOVE what I do.

Be open with your friends about how you feel.
And if you can’t, get new friends. I talk about how to build and find your tribe in my journals.

Be kind in the mirror.

And always, just don’t slag yourself off, pretend you’re talking to your best friend. But do it with kindness.

Believe in yourself and know you’re exactly where you’re meant to be right now.
You have the capacity to do so much and BE yourself to show the world who you are and what you’re really capable of. We are all born with an immense power to bring love and happiness all around us, we really are. We are taught we’re less than, not as good as, and it’s all BS. Because it’s all just judgement. You are amazing as you are right now.

And if you don’t believe it then get in touch because I’ve written guided self-care journals and I’m doing courses to help you with all of that.